How to Talk About Pet Loss

The Hard Stuff in: Pet Loss

This is so hard! Pets are such an important part of a family unit.  For a lot of kids, a pet might be the first loss they experience in life. A pet can be a kid's first companion. There is unconditional love, support, and comfort.  When talking to a child about the loss of a pet, it’s important to be honest about what happened.  Use simple, direct language when communicating about their pet dying.

To help your kid process and cope with this loss, it's helpful to find special ways to remember your pet such as having a ceremony, sharing memories, and/or helping them make a photo book or a collage.  Ask your child how they would like to remember their pet and what would feel meaningful/ good for them. 

Remember, grief exists where love exists.  It is normal for your child to experience sadness, anger, and confusion related to this loss. In kids, these emotions can easily manifest in different ways including irritability, behavioral outbursts, and sleep regression.

As a caregiver, your first instinct may be to “fix” this for your child.  The hardest part about grief is that it cannot be fixed. It has to be soothed, processed and validated. A child does not need you to take their pain away and honestly, you will not be able to.  A child needs you to hold space for them.  They need you to sit with them in their sadness and allow them to grieve, in a way that works for them.

How to Have the Conversation

• Make sure you use honest, simple, direct language when telling kids their pet has died. 

• Avoid using phrases such as “died in his sleep, “had a tummy ache,”  “ran away,” or “went to live on a farm.” Be honest.  For example, tell them "Grover died. Death is when a body stops working."

• Most of the time, kids overhear what adults are saying around them and then create their own narrative from what they overhear.

• Provide validation for how hard this loss is and talk about what they might be feeling.  Allow space for sadness, confusion, and pain.  This is all a normal part of the grief process.

• Share about the loss specifically; what do they miss the most? What was their favorite thing to do with their pet? What is important for them to want to remember about their pet?

Encourage your Child to say to THEMSELVES

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Try compassionate statements like:

• You are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling.

• A feeling is a personal experience. It cannot be wrong, because it's yours.  

• You are allowed to have a hard time.

• You can get through this.

• You can cope with this.

• You will grow from this.